I share this with good intention not only for leaders but also for those who cares about human well-being. The topic might be about female leaders, but actually it is not about the gender, because the feeling and needs such as safety, acceptance, becoming and expressing our best-self is the rights of every human being. (I could even share a very similar case for any leaders) For the organization and team, the fact is anybody could become a great leaders as long as they know how and have a proper belief systems, it is not a privilege of a certain gender. This is also not a writing about how to become the great female leaders or any other gender, because it is never in my capabilities to talk about that. My only capabilities is simply creating great leaders no matter who they are.
From my experience working with wonderful female leaders, from the data that we gather, and also with how gender bias is still happening in my country (even though half of it comes not from the men). I found out there are three different female leaders.
1. The first is the one who feel enough as a woman, feel enough with their unique special self and can become an authentic great leader with their own unique feminine and masculine energies combination. Of course they still have challenges, rejections and everything as every leaders would have, and they would tackle it without trying to be a man or more than a man. Their perception of gender is not an issue, maybe it was in their past but not anymore. They simply become a great leaders just because they are very passionate about what they do, creating another leaders, and just be and keep updating the best version of themselves. This kind of women leaders usually become the ideal role models.
To add more perspective about this, great male leaders also have the similar feeling and believe, they are not trying to prove themselves as a man. They lead not because they are men, they lead because they want to, they love what they do, have the capabilities and always updating themselves to be better.
2. The second one is the one who feel that they can't be a good leader because they are a woman. They feel like they don't have the power and the one who needs to lead is the man (or some special powered woman). They are in the leader position is just because a coincidence or they are good at doing their job but not leading people. They simply accepting THEIR belief system that women cannot lead, especially leading the men.
On the other hand, there are countless male leaders have similar belief system, some thought they are not manly enough to leads, others just don't believe that they could lead somebody else.
3. The third one is the one who WANTS to become a leader but feels it was not enough and not safe to be a woman as a leader, and they tend to become MORE dominant, intimidating, strict, angrier, colder, and more ambitious than the man (Not my words, it's from 360 feedforward). When I ask about it, they believe if they don't do that, they won't get respected, won't be heard, or won't even get the chance. (Again to add more perspective, male leaders who are trying to prove themselves as a man also believing and doing the similar thing. You'll be surprise by how many men feels like that.)
In their career as female leaders or as an entrepreneur, they tend to be very successful. What interesting is, also from the 360 feedforward, the organization or team feels that they are actually not a great leader, because usually they tend to lead with only one leadership style, which is the authoritative or direction style. They are rarely doing any coaching or delegation. Even if they do, they do it with their usual energy so that it becomes another "direction". The team might achieved the target and they could climb the ladder of promotion, but the members never really get developed professionally and personally, always dependent on the leader's direction. They are simply not creating great leaders. (The same thing happened to men leaders who leads with this style. Read; It is not because of the gender)
These female leaders, they personally claim and realize (not all claim and realize it, but their significant persons are) what they feel lacking usually is in their personal life. Whether it is about their love life, marriage or as a parent, from finding the right one, children grow to be indecisive and dependent, dealing with painful divorces, etc. In the beginning to the middle of their career or entrepreneurship usually they felt satisfied, fulfilled and successful, but nearing the end, deep inside their heart, they tend to feel there are something missing or even feel hollow. Usually it happened because to become that kind of leader, they need to deny some or even most part of their identity. And those parts at some point will screaming for attention.
I hope anybody who cares about this can be aware about it, go out, reach and support these wonderful women (or anybody), help them and create together a safe place to discover and develop their best self. If possible don't let them go the stage of denying their important part of their identity just to feel "accepted". Of course, it is a natural needs to feel accepted, but (at least from what I believe) it is not achieved by not accepting ourselves. It is the same for everybody.
Well, as I said before, it is actually not about a gender, it is about us as a human being taking a mantle of leaders.
Big hugs and support to all wonderful leaders out there.
Daud Khesar
Prime Balance Expert & Founder of Prim Assistant
Comments